28, and at Home
When I heard about your leaving for that Better Place on Friday, a whole slew of emotions welled up within me. I was happy for you, and yet sad that you have left. I was relieved for your family and loved ones, and yet could not bear to think of how much tears and hurt they must be going through right now. I was, and still am, in disbelief.
Who leaves at the age of 28? You're the first one in my life who just did.
I saw you last night, and today as well. You looked like a 70-year-old man, a person I could not have recognized if I had not seen a photo of you just a few days before. I gave you a flower, knowing that this flower was going to die and be burnt, mixed with ashes. And memories. Yet, not a tear was shed on my part. Oh, my heart felt so heavy, like someone had taken it with both hands and had begun to wring it tight. Over and over again. I heard your mother calling out to you, asking you to come back. But you did not. You could not.
Do I even have the right to feel sad? I heard of your imminent departure some 13 months ago, and did not know what to say or do. I could only recall the fun times and experiences we shared from long ago, nothing that belonged to the present, because we have merely become acquaintances (Can I even call myself your acquaintance?). Even now, I can only dwell on the distant past. We used to call each other by nicknames, you taking care of me like a big brother who would take care of his younger sister. I will always remember that one Sunday when you and Wei Chuen brought me to Uncle KK's house to hang out after lunch. The two of you would always make fun of me, tease me, and we would share jokes and laughter. You would always ask me about who my latest crush was, whether any boy in church liked me, did I have a boyfriend outside of church... We definitely talked about all kinds of nonsense. When we talked.
That distant past. I have absolutely no idea why I always return to that specific memory. I can't even place the time, month, year or what exactly we did together that Sunday. However, I just keep returning to that one happy memory.
Well, you are gone now. I still find it hard to believe that today, I had sent you off for good. It had seemed absolutely surreal. Yet, I know that in time to come, you will merely become a distant memory. A good one, no doubt. Just as you already became a part of my growing up years such a long time ago, when we lost touch and became something like strangers.
Bye. Say hi to aunty Jenni for me?
Who leaves at the age of 28? You're the first one in my life who just did.
I saw you last night, and today as well. You looked like a 70-year-old man, a person I could not have recognized if I had not seen a photo of you just a few days before. I gave you a flower, knowing that this flower was going to die and be burnt, mixed with ashes. And memories. Yet, not a tear was shed on my part. Oh, my heart felt so heavy, like someone had taken it with both hands and had begun to wring it tight. Over and over again. I heard your mother calling out to you, asking you to come back. But you did not. You could not.
Do I even have the right to feel sad? I heard of your imminent departure some 13 months ago, and did not know what to say or do. I could only recall the fun times and experiences we shared from long ago, nothing that belonged to the present, because we have merely become acquaintances (Can I even call myself your acquaintance?). Even now, I can only dwell on the distant past. We used to call each other by nicknames, you taking care of me like a big brother who would take care of his younger sister. I will always remember that one Sunday when you and Wei Chuen brought me to Uncle KK's house to hang out after lunch. The two of you would always make fun of me, tease me, and we would share jokes and laughter. You would always ask me about who my latest crush was, whether any boy in church liked me, did I have a boyfriend outside of church... We definitely talked about all kinds of nonsense. When we talked.
That distant past. I have absolutely no idea why I always return to that specific memory. I can't even place the time, month, year or what exactly we did together that Sunday. However, I just keep returning to that one happy memory.
Well, you are gone now. I still find it hard to believe that today, I had sent you off for good. It had seemed absolutely surreal. Yet, I know that in time to come, you will merely become a distant memory. A good one, no doubt. Just as you already became a part of my growing up years such a long time ago, when we lost touch and became something like strangers.
Bye. Say hi to aunty Jenni for me?
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